Wednesday, 17 September 2014

First book

I've published my first finished book online. In about twelve hours it should be available for purchase around the world on what is probably the best thing that's come from the internet next to advertising...Self publishing through kindle. It's not my masterpiece, it's not my best, it's not Grace but this is my first and it has my name on it. A simple chick flick that has gotten that particular genre out of my system. My second will be a drama, more intense, more serious, it will be better but for now I have stepped out onto the first stone and for now that's enough. If one person I don't know reads it, reviews it then I'll feel a glimmer of success and self worth.

four walls again

I hate it here. I've hated it for years and not once have I felt like I was exaggerating. Everyday I wake up and it's not long before something makes me hate it from the core inside of me. It's the only thing that's really made me who I am. I am encouraged to push forward only because I want to get out of here and be in my own home. I don't care if it takes every penny I ever earn, I don't care if it's barely wider than a garden shed, I just desperately want it to be mine and be different from these four walls. I get sod all from these people, and what I do have from my own pocket isn't respected what so ever.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Arthritis in the morning.

The doctors said the stomach aches every morning were related to my arthritis. Something about the stationary position of sleep, the natural chill of the morning and my sudden excursion (if you can call getting up and boiling the kettle excursion) all combined. I thought I might outgrow this morning discomfort but no. When my joints are cramping up and throbbing  the night before and I rise from bed fairly early I feel like a ton of bricks are settling in my stomach and my joints go....Criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeaak. I've always wanted to crawl back into bed with a hot water bottle, in my present life I could do that but I want to get on with the day and accomplish something. This is another reason why I want to be a paid writer....I could sit down at a desk with a hot drink and a water bottle on my lap and do what I love in comfort. It would suit my dreams and my body.

Friday, 12 September 2014

down a well. poem

Can anybody hear me?
I'm stuck down a well
there's no one else for far as I can tell
It's dark down here
dirty and damp too
If you wont even send down the bucket
then screw you!


I haven't resized yet. Since being shrunk down to the size of a nail I still haven't recovered. I'm highly annoyed by this because I wish I didn't care but I do. Those words hurt something inside me some people will never understand. They don't understand because they don't have these four walls. They're not being suffocated excruciatingly slowly.

Don't put up with that again Siviter. This is not the kitchen floor, or the edge of the bath tub. Don't you ever let someone make you feel that way again. We know what we're worth that's what counts damn it. Haven't I been saying that the last two years?

Grace, we've got so much to prove. So much of ourselves we can't forget about because there's only us trying to remember you know that right? Just you and me. We've got a lot to prove to a lot of people, most of all to ourselves. I'll be damned if I don't succeed.

Sometimes it's just us. poem

Sometimes it's just us,
and those times that's enough
Chin up my girl, I know who you are,
when you forget I'll remind you.
Put those autumn leaves back in your hair
one day we'll be somewhere
I promise, one day we'll be somewhere.
I won't forget when others do
I won't leave when enviably they do
I'm all you need, to see this life through.
Sometimes it's just us,
and those times that's enough.